5 Things You Need To Consider If You've Fallen In Love With A Friend

5 Things You Need To Consider If You've Fallen In Love With A Friend
PHOTO: UNSPLASH

So you're crushing hard on a friend — now what?

It might feel awkward at first, but when you stop to think about, falling for someone with whom you're close friends isn't all that strange — I mean, you appreciate their company and probably have a few things in common with them. And doesn't that set the foundation for a really healthy romantic relationship?

That being said, why do so many of us worry about falling in love with one of our friends? Is it because the feelings snuck up on us? Are we afraid that they won't feel the same way, or that a romance would ruin our friendship? I get it. But if we never put everything out on the table, we'll never know what could have been.

If you find yourself starting to fall for one of your friends, read on for five tidbits of advice that might help you see things more clearly. 

a woman asking "what's up?"
PHOTO: VH1
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Make Sure You're ACTUALLY Feeling Romantic Feelings.

Good friends are hard to come by, and sometimes feelings you *think* are attraction are really nothing more than platonic love mixed with a dash of gratitude. How can you be sure which is which? 

Think back to the last time you knew for sure that you were actually in love with someone. Does it feel the same now as it did back then? Do you want the same things from your friend that you did from your ex? If you’re not quite sure, pump the brakes and take a moment to process things. Once you put on record the fact that you’re falling in love, you’re kind of at the point of no return; you don’t want to make any moves until you’re absolutely certain that what you're feeling is love.

Ask Yourself What You Expect To Happen Once You Make Your Feelings Known.
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Ask Yourself What You Expect To Happen Once You Make Your Feelings Known.

It’s unrealistic to think that things aren't going to change once you tell your friend how you feel about them, which is why you ned to ask yourself what you really and truly want. Do you want to start dating? Or do you want things to stay the way they are, just with your feelings on the record?

a woman talking about relationships
PHOTO: MTV
3 / 5

Pay Close Attention To Your Friend's Relationship Status.

Face it: Your romantic feelings may not matter to your friend if they're currently seeing someone else. Timing is everything.

Tyrese whining
PHOTO: YOUTUBE
4 / 5

Try To Find Out If They've Been Hiding Any Feelings From You.

If you want something to evolve from your feelings, it's important to know if your friend reciprocates them or not. And if you want to go the route of straight-up asking them, be sure to emphasize the fact that you want to maintain a friendship regardless. (It can take some of the edge off if your friend wants to keep things platonic.)

two women talking
PHOTO: VH1
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Ask Yourself If Telling Them Is Really Worth The Risk.

Even if you think you could handle the aftermath of putting your feelings out there, your friend might not be able to. Ask yourself (and a mutual friend of yours who's able to keep a secret, if necessary) whether it's more important to reveal that you’re falling in love or preserve the friendship at all costs. Keep in mind that if it’s true love, your feelings won’t be going anywhere anytime soon; there may come a more opportune time to disclose your true feelings. 

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SHELLIE RENEé

Just a woman who digs all things relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, that is. I've been writing (professionally) for close to 20 years, including having two books published. I'm also a marriage life coach and doula. Sometimes I speak to large audiences or do radio interviews, but usually I'm sitting in my favorite chair, surfin' the 'net and penning stuff that I wish I had read in my early 20s.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, not by a LOOOOONG shot. But whatever I can do to spare folks any heartbreak, bitterness or straight-up drama, I'll devote some keystrokes to doing. 

That's it...in a nutshell. For the most part. Kinda. ;)

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