The Reason My Relationships Fail Is Because I'm Afraid Of Rejection


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I've come to realize the reason most of my relationships fail has more to do with me than the people I've dated. Don't get me wrong, I, like everyone, have experienced some sh*tty significant others. I've dated people who were arrogant, narcissistic, and just plain awful. But, for the most part, my exes have all been really good people. They were genuine, but even with their kindness, we didn't work out. And I now know why: It was because of me. 

My fear of rejection is deeper than I thought. I'm so afraid of being left without warning that I've built up more walls than I can count and I've learned to self-sabotage myself at every point. I'm the reason my relationships haven't worked out and why I'm still unable to make something stick. 

Couple hugging each other

I Can Never Set Clear Boundaries

I've only seriously dated three guys that I've actually called my "boyfriend." I've dated and slept with way more guys than that. But, I never gave them that title. 

I've just never been comfortable setting a standard for most of my "relationships." Titles hold so much responsibility and I've always been hesitant to call someone my boyfriend because I didn't want to be disappointed and I didn't want to disappoint them. 

Young woman looking in the mirror

I'm Obsessed With Attention

I'm not sure where my need for attention, especially from guys, comes from. But I've always needed to be admired and talked to by the people I'm dating. My ex boyfriend of five years never really understood that. Or maybe he did, but he just never tried to accommodate and that's what most of our fights stemmed from. I never felt like he liked me that much or thought I was attractive because he NEVER said it. 

I need the guy I'm dating to give me attention or I will look for it elsewhere, which is another reason why I don't like the "boyfriend/girlfriend" title. I'm an emotional cheater. If he's not making me feel wanted, I will act out and try to get that attention from someone else. 

Jealous, much? GIF
3 / 5

I Let Jealousy Fuel Me

I look for a reason to be jealous in most of my relationships. It's like I secretly want to ruin them, but I don't want to be the one responsible.

So, I blame my boyfriends for smiling a little too hard at the waitress or being a little too friendly to the bartender. Yes, I get jealous very easily, but I also make way too big a deal of things because I'm afraid to get hurt, so I like to create tension beforehand. 

So Done GIF
4 / 5

I Leave Before They Leave Me

We're all afraid of being dumped out of nowhere. It's a horrible feeling and it's only ever happened to me once. I was 12 and I was madly in love with this guy from my church. We were kids, so it's not like our relationship was legit. We mostly just texted all the time and talked on the phone every night. 

One day, he told me that he never really liked me and that he didn't want to talk to me anymore. It was completely out of nowhere and I was completely shocked and broken. I cried every night for a month and I haven't cried since that day. I hated what he did. But I learned from it. 

I realized that no matter how much you think you know someone, you don't really know them at all. People can hide their true selves so easily and leave you without a warning. I know it's not a healthy lesson, per se. But after that, I vowed to never be left out of nowhere by a guy again. And I haven't. 

Whenever I've felt someone slipping away, I've broken up with them first. 

Girl waving "bye"
5 / 5

I Avoid Speaking My Truth

I blame my ex-boyfriend for making me into what I am now. Whenever we fought, I'd send him novels on novels (in the forms of text messages) or I'd express my feelings in person (which usually took hours). He'd either ignore my messages, respond with a one worded text, or say something dumb like, "I hear you." 

He made me feel stupid for speaking so much and it felt like every word out of my mouth (or from my fingers) was a complete waste of my time and energy. He didn't appreciate my words and now, I feel like everything I say to a guy won't really be appreciated. So I don't say much. And that's caused me to become an avoider — someone who represses their emotions until they eventually blow up. 



Jordan White is a freelance writer and editor. She's a lover of all things chocolate and can usually be found lounging at the nearest coffee shop. She's based in Scottsdale, Arizona and hates the heat with a burning sensation. Her motto? "Obviously, yes!" 


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