Do You Really Want A Relationship Or Are You Just Lonely?

a single black woman
PHOTO: @BBVPHOTOS VIA UNSPLASH

If there is one article that every woman (every person, really) should read, it’s probably this one. Since there are so many relationship articles—both online and off—it's easy to classify being in a relationship as the "norm." But, have you ever stopped to think whether you want to be in a relationship for the right reason?

Don’t feel uncomfortable if you’re not sure how to answer that question. We’re not sure how many people actually can because, again, it’s not like this gets explored a lot.

Do yourself a favor and read the following five points. If you’re not currently in a relationship but you really wish you were, you'll be able to relate. Maybe, it's not so much a relationship that you want (or even need right now). You’re just lonely—and need to spend some real time enjoying your own company for a while.

a woman talking about jealousy

You Hate That Everyone’s In One But You

During our single seasons, virtually all of us have walked past a couple who was holding hands or kissing and thought, “I wish I had that.” But it’s one thing to admire love; it’s another thing to envy it. 

If the real reason that you wish you were in a relationship is that you feel like everyone around you is in one, that’s not really about wanting love; that’s more about being in competition. 

If you’re just trying to get what appears to be “greener grass”, be careful. You probably won’t be prepared to take proper care of your own.

a woman calling someone a "jerk"

You’re Actually Considering Getting Back With A Jerk

A truly telling sign that you’re more lonely than anything else is if you’re seriously considering getting back with an ex just so that you won’t have to be alone. 

Not just any ex—the worst possible option. 

It makes no logical sense to go back to what broke you just to say that you have someone. People who think like that only end up hurting themselves—all over again.

a confused woman
3 / 5

You Don’t Know The Difference Between Lonely And Alone

This is a big one. Just because you’re not (currently) in a relationship, that doesn’t mean that you’re lonely. Some of the most beautiful, successful and confident people are alone. 

Why? One reason is that they know what they want in a relationship. In the meantime, their life is full without one. 

Lonely people? They can’t even begin to comprehend how thinking that way is even remotely beneficial.

a woman begging a man
4 / 5

You’d Rather Settle Than Not Be In A Relationship

It’s a quote that truly never grows old. “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” It’s a powerful statement. Unfortunately, people who are obsessed with being in a relationship don’t get how much of a warning sign that it is. 

A healthy relationship is supposed to complement the fabulous life that you already have; that way, should it ever come to an end, while it will probably hurt, it won’t leave you devastated. 

For those who settle, even if the relationship lasts, they’re usually never totally fulfilled. Settling always leaves voids.

a crying woman

You Think ‘Single’ Is A Horrifying Word

When’s the last time you looked up some of the definitions and/or synonyms of the word “single”? Some of them include “one”, “unique”, “individual”, “original”, “special” and “exceptional”. 

If deep down you want to be in a relationship because you hate the word “single”, spend some time on these meanings more. 

A relationship is a blessing. When it’s good, healthy and right. But being single is no consolation prize. Not by a long shot!

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SHELLIE RENEé

Just a woman who digs all things relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, that is. I've been writing (professionally) for close to 20 years, including having two books published. I'm also a marriage life coach and doula. Sometimes I speak to large audiences or do radio interviews, but usually I'm sitting in my favorite chair, surfin' the 'net and penning stuff that I wish I had read in my early 20s.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, not by a LOOOOONG shot. But whatever I can do to spare folks any heartbreak, bitterness or straight-up drama, I'll devote some keystrokes to doing. 

That's it...in a nutshell. For the most part. Kinda. ;)

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