Here's Why I Used To Completely Shave My Head Whenever Things Weren't Going My Way

shave my head

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It seems like a lot of celebs are have been doing "the big chop" lately. In the course of like a week, I’ve read (and seen) that Tamar Braxton, India Arie and Snoop Dogg’s daughter Cori Broadus have all done it.

As far as India goes, she wrote an entire song (“I Am Not My Hair”) about how she feels about going through endless transitional hair phases. But as I was thinking about what those women are doing and why they say they are doing it, it took me back to when a pair of clippers and I were the very best of friends — and how ironic it is that I am currently in the process of trying to grow my hair out longer than it’s been since I was 19-years-old. I have no desire to shave my head again…any time soon.

Here’s why.

I’m a big time Bible fan. Anyone who knows me knows that to be true. There is a character in the book by the name of Job. He was a man who, in the midst of going through some mega trials and tribulations, would shave his head. A lot of Jewish scholars say that it was an outward form of mourning back then.

I spent years not giving that much thought, but now?  I believe that Job and I have a lot in common in that way.

After each abortion, I would shave my head. Whenever I’d go through a major break-up, I would shave my head. When I was stressed to the brink of being depressed, I would shave my head.

For me, I think when I felt like my life was totally out of control — and I felt that way A LOT — if there is one thing I could control, it was my hair. The removal process? It was painless but dramatic. It was simple but layered. It wasn’t a big deal and yet making the transition was pretty significant at the same time.

Whenever I would shave my head, it would make me feel like “OK, whatever drama was attached to those strands, now I can start fresh.” That’s not a mindset that I came up with on my own. There are a lot of people who believe that hair carries energy; that if you want to shift things in your life, hair is one of the first things that should go.

My problem was this: I would be trying to shift energy at least twice a year without realizing that I didn’t really need to take it out on my hair/head. I could simply make different life choices. I needed to come to the place of accepting that I had more control than I thought I did. My hair was a very small part.

I think that’s a big part of what this conscious hair growth journey that I’m on now is all about (pray for me, y’all). Although I’ve had some variation of short hair for all of my adult life (with a couple of Afros that would show up from time to time), now I’m ready to see how long my hair can get.

It is revealing a lot because now that I am resigning to NOT take any stress out on my head, it’s teaching me how to cope with things better/differently and it’s also showing me how to care for something that I never really ever cared about, because I was always cutting it — my hair.

Every time I wash it with a non-sulfate shampoo, every time I deep condition it, every time I spray it with a DIY water/essential oil mist, every time I wrap it up — every time I look in the mirror and say to myself (and my hair), “I mean, we’re just gonna have to ride it out until we get to where we need to be,” I think it’s symbolic. My hair is representative of where I am overall — not freaking out when things don’t go as planned, remaining patient and pampering myself in the process.

I know that some folks won’t even begin to see hair as being this deep, but it’s my story and I’m sticking to it. The clippers are put away and so is the, “What am I gonna do?! I’ve got to do something!” mode that I used to always defer to when life didn’t go as planned.

I'm not freaking out anymore, I'm just letting things flow.



Just a woman who digs all things relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, that is. I've been writing (professionally) for close to 20 years, including having two books published. I'm also a marriage life coach and doula. Sometimes I speak to large audiences or do radio interviews, but usually I'm sitting in my favorite chair, surfin' the 'net and penning stuff that I wish I had read in my early 20s.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, not by a LOOOOONG shot. But whatever I can do to spare folks any heartbreak, bitterness or straight-up drama, I'll devote some keystrokes to doing. 

That's a nutshell. For the most part. Kinda. ;)


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