Staying active is so important, but going to the gym — or leaving the house in general — is kind of the worst. Luckily, you don't actually need to go anywhere to stay fit. I have three words for you: Solo. Dance. Party.
While gyms have an uncanny way of triggering every anxiety you've ever had, dancing in your room makes you feel like the greatest, coolest version of yourself. Here's how to make the most of this sacred self-bonding time.
1. Collect the MOST hype songs in your library.
Because really, this whole endeavor is riding on the music. What music makes you wiggle in your chair? Which songs get you so amped up that you kinda feel like starting an argument for no reason? Which songs cause you to belt out the tune even though you definitely do not know any of the words? Those are the ones that you need for this fitness routine.
2. GET INTO THE ZONE, by any means necessary.
This shouldn't be hard, as long as you did the first step correctly. However, if you need an extra kick into gear, don't be afraid to stay hydrated...with wine. Or beer. Not enough to get drunk — this is exercise, okay! — but just enough to loosen up a little.
3. Twerk and jump around.
Okay, now we're getting somewhere! I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that swaying from side to side with a fake microphone in your hand isn't really the best workout. The good news is that twerking IS! And so is jumping around, which is cardio. If you don't believe me, just wait until the next day when your thighs are sore. (Note: you don't have to have a big butt to twerk. You don't even have to be good at twerking to twerk.)
4. Give away the rest of your f*cks.
Are you still feeling a little self-conscious? You need to move around as much as possible for this to work, so just take every last remaining fuck in your pocket and give it away. This is your dance party. You can do your dance moves, whatever they are. Nobody can see you. And if they did, they would be impressed. LET'S DO THIS.
I find that it's really after I've given away the rest of my f*cks that my heart rate gets going, because I start doing some random, animalistic, completely made-up dance moves.
5. Turn to YouTube.
If you need some inspiration, don't be afraid to dive into the deep dark black hole that is YouTube tutorials. There are plenty of YouTube fitness gurus who are just dying to teach you a dance or two. You can even attempt to learn the moves to your favorite music videos. Here's one for N.E.R.D.'s Lemon.
6. Do it for as long and as often as you want!
The Experts say that you should exercise for about 30 minutes to an hour per day, including aerobic exercise. However, I am not an Expert, and I say you should do whatever the hell you want. Dancing is fun. Do it until it's not fun. Woo!
7. Don't forget to stretch.
OKAY, NOW THAT — ahem, sorry, dancing gets me hyped and I start yelling. Now that you're nice and sweaty and you're ready to stop for the day, it's time to cool down with a nice stretch.
That's it! Pat yourself on the back. You've exercised, and you didn't even have to mingle with any dude-bros to do it. Doesn't it feel great?!?!